Vanity of vanities
Non-verbal autism is hard to live with. Not only for a person directly affected by it, but also for the family. My boy has turned 10 last week. This made me look back at the years gone by. That and all the questionnaires we were given for Booboo’s evaluation (for his IEP etc), ha ha. Videos and pictures from the time he was born, his first smiles, his contagious laugh, his bubbly personality and social interactions with our friends and family, his voice when he spoke first words and short sentences… [wiping my tears as I’m writing this]. It’s still bitter sweet feeling, but time (and knowledge = hope) heals the wounds… God has blessed us with a perfect little dude. Perfect in every way! I just wish I knew the things I know now, back in 2007. I am sure things would have been different and our life would look totally different. But in the end, we are where we are for a specific purpose. I still haven’t figured out the bigger picture, but I’m driving on super fuel called FAITH. I know some of you struggle with belief, but I can assure you, that no matter what our fate is, the Creator of this Universe gives me enough grace to face any trial. A
few years ago, when I met with a few APs, they asked me what I was on, as I seemed “too positive” to them. After all, we all had shared similar difficulties and struggles related to our kids’ autism. And logically, autism diagnosis is like a death sentence to many parents. And so I told them it was my faith. Honestly, the comfort and peace that comes with it is “extra-celestial”. Recently we’ve visited a few awesome churches and heard very powerful and encouraging messages. One specifically spoke to me and Daddy Bear – it was regarding the meaning of life, based on the lesson from the book of Ecclesiastes, where the old king Solomon reflects upon his life and all his life experiences. Yet having it all, according to him was just vanity of vanities. And you know what? He literally possessed and experienced everything that was available under this sun – there was no wiser or richer man before or after him. He had 1000 women to himself, all the gold and silver, tremendous knowledge and still could not be satisfied. There was this emptiness inside of him. The void that could not be filled with physical pleasures, parties, education or any riches of this world… The only way was UP! Yup, as he turned back to God, the peace that passes all understanding came to him. And that’s exactly what we experience on daily basis. When we stopped chasing after careers, working extra hours to get better services and brighter future for our kids, we found peace. Work should not be a priority. We thought “if we just worked 18h/day we’d be able to buy a dream catamaran and take our kids to the lake every weekend”. Ha! By the time we had enough money to get that boat, we’d be chained to job addiction and we would not have time to use it. Vicious circle. And time flies by, trust me. Before we know it, kids are all grown up and all we have is regrets… Our kids and spouses don’t want extra gifts and things that don’t last; they want a gift of time and attention, love and family time. Lesson learned.